Make

Prompt of the day: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Oh I make a lot of things. For instance I am a skilled builder. I build great mind constructions.
For the foundations I use mainly Whatifs and Maybes materials, but I'm trying to switch to something else, as I found out these are porous and tend to crumble in the rain.
There's some new material available, I'm trying to get my head around using it, it's called "Letseffingdoit", heard great things about it but I'm a bit nervous. Anyone there that could give me some feedback?

I am the Queen of the land of Mindsandcastles.

Serendipity: next YTT weekend is end of January. Meanwhile we have to do a 30-day Sadhana project, meaning practicing anything for 30 consecutive days, and journal about it. I see creative journaling in the near future, sounds like fun :)

Moment

Prompt of the day : "Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors)".

I've been staring at this prompt for an hour. My mind went blank when I first read it. I'm going back and forth with this one, so I'd better start typing and see what comes out of it.

I could write about this yoga weekend, the one that changed my life, like an earthquake in my foundations, where I broke down in savasana.

I could write about going back to school for evening classes, feeling and feeding my brain, graduating.

I could write about travelling to Japan with Lovely Boyfriend, making a lifelong dream come true.

Or the moment I started my yoga teacher training.


But truly, now is when I feel more alive. I'm sitting at my desk, struggling with my work, searching for any and every excuse not to do it, instead searching the net to check if it would be possible to work as a freelance admin consultant / translator - proofreader / yoga teacher (yes, all in one - and that's only a brief summary - office yoga classes for the well being of employees, oh yeah!), wearing countless layers in this freezing office, and I can hear my soul screaming. I hear it telling me it's alive and that we need to get out.

My soul is still here, it's alive, I'm alive.

Now I need to give me that slap in the face and that kick in the ass ;)

Music Wednesday - One Word

2010: change



Blind Melon, "Change"

"keep on dreaming, boy, 'cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die"


2011: freedom

George Michael, "Freedom" 
"But today the way I play the game is not the same, no way, think I'm gonna get me some happy"

http://www.reverb10.com/

Reverb10 : reflect and manifest

I must be crazy. That's it. I've gone complètement folle (ooooh, helloooo French, long time no see!).

As if I didn't have enough on my plate. And yet, I've added something. Something I first heard of about two weeks ago, something that appealed to me but I feared I would not keep up.

And yet... See that new lovely button on the right? Yes, the one tagged "Reverb 10". I gave in, I signed up for #reverb10, launched by the amazing Gwen Bell. For one month, starting tomorrow, I will reflect on the year 2010 and manifest what's next.
I know why I finally signed up: because I need it.

This year has been fabulous, this year change has begun, in waves and with an impact I can't even assess myself at this stage. As you all know I've been struggling a lot in my "day job". Calling it my "day job" is not a good sign in and of itself, is it? So I hope that next year, change will manifest in the form of a way out of this situation, and a way in to freedom and to the life I KNOW I'm worth living (I'm not saying "I deserve", that would mean we have to work to deserve a worthy life, while we're all already gods and goddesses, our worth is innate. Oops, sorry, I digress).

Aaaaanyway, I need the writing, in English, and why not take this opportunity to reconnect with my mother tongue (even if only I understand)? Every day of December, daily creative prompts will be sent, and every day, every participant will respond, in form of blog posts, via Twitter of Facebook, or simply journaling, whatever suits your fancy.

I won't share on the blog every day, I'll be away for a week end of December (family time!), but I WILL do something every day. Along with the 30-day sadhana project for my YTT. Yeah I'm a goddess AND a warrior.

I can't wait.

Interested? Check out the reverb10 website, and sign up too! :)

A Manifesto

*WARNING = this post is kindly brought to you by Full Moon Angst, available worldwide for free*

ROAR! Like me, except I wear no mustache and my armpits are less hairy. And I'm no man either.
Source 

Dear peeps, I am tired, in a way. I am tired of reading or being told how and who I should be as a yoga student and teacher trainee. I am tired of reading or being told that I should act in a certain way as a yoga student and teacher trainee.

I live by and respect mostly the yamas and niyamas, which has been a natural process anyway. I don't always *think* about them when I do something, thank whoever or whatever you believe in!

But.

Yes there is a but, and here's how it breaks down:

• I am by no means a CareBear, and that's fine. I claim my right to be a b**ch sometimes;
• I claim my right to be my grumpy cranky self and not wanting to hear to "look at the positive side and send good vibrations to the Universe" flowery talk;
• That said, I claim my right to sometimes be in the mood to accept the flowery talk too, and utter it myself;
• I reclaim my right to cry when I listen to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, as cheesy as that last song may be;
• I claim my right to have my own discipline, and I would appreciate if people would stop calling me crazy. Only *I* am entitled to call me crazy, muahahahaha!
• I claim my right to be who the f*** I want to be, I guess that sums it all.

I've written countless times about change, hell I wrote about it yesterday. But again, it's been a long, sometimes painful, but completely natural evolution. 

Getting guidelines and structure is good, but then it's a question of balance and acceptance, first and foremost of who you are and what you are ready to take in.

No one holds the universal truth. Only you do own your own truth, sometimes you don't know what it is yet. It requires some soul searching and study, but in the end, you're the one deciding for yourself. And if something doesn't feel right for you, then it's not right for you now.

I guess this is me, then, round 2 :)

And in the words of the famous (!) Degeneration X, "if you're not down with it, suck it!" (no shame, told ya)

Who am I? - Sunday thoughts part 4

("Oh no, here she is again with her ramblings *sigh*" - yes, I know what you think! But it's my blog, my own, MY PRECIOUS, just like my yoga mat :D)

Aaaanyway, I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a dear friend of mine, and she made an interesting comment that got me thinking. Again.

Source

Here is how this part of the conversation went:

Me: I'm teaching my first yoga class next week.
DF (Dear Friend): wheeeee! so exciting!
Me: yeah, and the fact that I'm more excited than scared by it means it must be right, knowing the coward I usually am.
DF: well you might have been, but you're not anymore. You still view yourself this way, that's all.
Me: ... o_O ...
She had a point.

I've been clinging to old patterns, still viewing myself as the 20-year old me, but that's not who I am anymore. Which is not a bad thing if you ask me, except that my 20 years old are gone forever but hey, nothing I can do about it!

You know what I used to believe?
- I used to think I was that shy girl who would stand in her corner of the room in social gatherings and wish she could teleport home; I used to be that girl, but lately I found out that I can be a chatterbox if no one stops me, and that includes talking to people I just met. Oops.
- I used to think that safety and staying in my comfort zone would be just fine, why bother taking risks? Answer: because you die inside and your brain shuts down from boredom, that's why. There is so much potential within a human being!
-  I used to think I could't run, turns out I can. I'm no marathon runner, but the thought of running half an hour doesn't make me want to pull out my hair one by one, make a rope and hang myself anymore;
- The one you've been waiting for: I used to think that because I couldn't touch my toes, then I couldn't "do yoga". You know where that one's got me.

Take a look at yourself: what did you find out about yourself lately that you did not know / suspect? what is it you think about yourself that is really not true anymore? 

Who we are, and where we're going to

It's a time for reflection, transition and changes, a time to check on one's Self, can you feel it too? Delve deeper :-)

Fink - "Sort of Revolution"

We've come so far, it feels so real

All this time, that we've waited for it

And who we are, and where we're going to

All this time, preparing for it.

Come so far

Come so far

So let me know when we get there, if we get there

Let me know when we get there, if we get there

In the dark it feels so real

And all this time, we've been sleeping on it

And who we are, and where we're going to

All this time, spent saving for it

Come so far

Come so far, yeah

So just let me know when we get there, if we get there

Let me know when we get there, if we get there

Come so far, there's no going back

All this time, we've been running from it

And where we are, and where we're going to

We'll organize a sort of revolution

We'll organize a sort of revolution

We'll organize a sort of revolution

We'll organize a sort of revolution

Lesson learned

Did you know I'm a crazy list maker? Oh yeah you knew ;-) So easy when you can't be bothered to write a full blown post  run out of time because of a crazy schedule ("once more unto the breach my friend", and it will soon be over)

A couple of random things:
- I'm quoting Shakespeare because I want to and I love "Henry V".
- I am good at accounting. Yeah, I know. So exciting.
- I am a ball of stress when I have exams / have to travel (not because of getting on a plane or a train, but because my worst fear in traveling is missing said plane or train - yes I am extreme like that), and there's nothing I can do about it (you don't want to know the symptoms, let's just say I have to turn a special room in my apartment into my secondary residence on those days).
- But there's one thing yoga has taught me: acceptance. They (who?) say yoga is good for stress management. At least I have learned to manage by accepting and letting things be. Stress (and subsequent abdominal pains) does not define me, but it's part of me. Fighting it will make it worse, so I'll just breathe and acknowledge it's here. In a way it makes me feel better.
- This, and not having dairy.
- I love working from home. I have to negotiate this more often :-D
- I love dried mango, but you knew this already.
- I have to go to bed, or I won't be able to wake up tomorrow.
- I will write a real post soon, I promise.

Relaaaaax

Done:
- Finance presentation : check;
- Start studying for exams: check;
- Speak to HR about job change: check;
- Hurt my calf muscle and not be able to work out: check;
- Getting really tired: check;
- Practice yoga: check


To do:
- Keep studying. Ugh, when?
- Stop losing my marbles at work: working on it;
- Prepare job evolution. Patience patience patience, it will happen, transition will last a few months, patience patience patience;
- Practice yoga: more than ever. I need my time on the mat to keep my sanity and keep my life off the mat in check;
- Try not to let my sweet tooth lead completely when stressed. Oh come on, dark hazelnut chocolate never hurt anyone. Please?
- Get some sleep. Right;
- Get a social life back. Don't even remember what it is;
- Remember to spend some QT with Lovely Boyfriend. The only moments we're getting together are when we are food shopping and cleaning the apartment, and we still manage to have some fun and laugh. Did I mention he's the best?
- And remember to breathe :-)


I am tired, juggling a full time job and evening classes even if only twice a week (and a couple of Saturdays) can be tough. Especially when said job is no longer satisfying and it takes me twice as long to accomplish simple tasks. But in two weeks my exams will be almost over, and i will change jobs, still working at the same company but having a different position (thank you universe!), not exactly what I want to be in the long term but it is one step closer. i just have to hold on a little bit more and everything will fall into place.


Breathe in. Breathe out. Check.

Manic Monday... not

Uh oh, I almost forgot I had a blog there!
These last few days have been exhausting, as I had planned, what with work, classes, yoga workshops, oh and trying to find some moments with Lovely Boyfriend too! I'm glad today is a public holiday here, I can tell you...

But it seems this week is starting on the right foot:
- as you know my job is slowly getting my brain to shut down, but there might be an opportunity for me to evolve in the future, in the same company. It's ok, I love working there, it's just the JOB I do I'm starting to hate. Let's see how it unravels, meeting with HR tomorrow... this won't be my life-long goal, but it's a nice step towards it.

- evening classes: the second-to-last week is now starting, and the exams are looming. Which means it will be over soon and my schedule will be a bit lighter (and my resume a little bit heavier ;-)). First exam: next Saturday, presentation of a business plan in group. I thought we would never be done on time, but it seems now that I was wrong. Still some work to do, but we'll get there!

Home office

Oops, wrong window!

- I had an amazing yoga workshop this weekend, on Friday evening, Saturday morning and Sunday morning. It was hard after the third practice, but it also felt so good! My teacher here in Brussels is just great :-)

It's beautiful here today, I think my terrace is calling my name. Have a great week!

Happy new year

Il est temps non? :-)

Une fin d'année speed au boulot, des vacances pendant lesquelles j'ai dormi, vu des gens, bien mangé, trop mangé, et surtout surtout je ne me suis pas approché trop près d'un ordinateur, et une reprise somme toute assez soft, en tous cas pour l'instant...

Et de la bonne galette des rois pour ne pas arrêter les fêtes trop brutalement, miam!

Et ensuite, après un dîner pro ce soir et mon anniversaire cette semaine, j'arrête de manger comme une vache, je vais exploser là!

J'aimerais que cette année soit la concrétisation, ou en tous cas le prolongement, du changement entamé l'année dernière. Que cette année soit mémorable, en positif si possible hein... Pas de résolutions vraiment, je n'en fais jamais.

Mais il m'est arrivé une petite expérience assez surprenante et très révélatrice, alors qu'il y a deux jours je renouais enfin avec la méditation: on dit que la méditation c'est "sit still and forget the world", et pourtant mon cerveau continue à turbiner à 100 000 tours/minute. Et là j'ai laissé faire, laissé les pensées arriver et repartir, et quelque chose en est ressorti, une espèce de formule définitive qui s'est ancrée dans mon esprit et que je n'ai pas oubliée, en me disant "CA c'est ma résolution 2010!". Donc c'est année mon mantra sera "affirmer ma personnalité et oublier mon ego", et non ce n'est pas antinomique...

"Affirmer ma personnalité" parce que très souvent je suis un peu trop gentille et j'ai du mal à dire non, notamment au boulot. J'ai aussi quelquefois du mal à faire complètement fi du regard des autres, et très souvent j'arrondis les angles pour, je ne sais pas, rencontrer une espèce d'approbation? Eh bien cette année j'ai décrété que ça ne serait pas le cas, que la perception que les autres ont de ma vie n'est pas mon problème.

Et "oublier mon ego", ça j'en ai déjà parlé, j'ai tendance à me comparer aux autres, par exemple pendant les cours de yoga, au lieu de me concentrer sur ma pratique. Je suis contente quand j'arrive à faire une posture mieux que les autres, et je râle quand c'est l'inverse. Et je ne devrais même pas les regarder, après tout...

Voilà le travail pour cette année, ça promet!

Bonne année!

The times they are a-changing

Hier j'ai posé le premier jalon pour un changement de direction radical. Je ne sais pas si ça aboutira, mais au moins le premier pas concret est fait.

Oh j'ai une chouette petite vie, je ne suis pas à plaindre après tout. Mais cette vie ne me convient plus tout à fait. Et à force de réfléchir ça m'a donné mal au crâne :-)

A un moment il faut agir, le plus dur je crois est de se lancer. Maintenant, on verra bien, wait and see... (enfin ça n'empêche pas de continuer à me bouger le 'uc non plus, je ne vais pas faire qu'attendre quand même!).

Et le yoga est mon ami, même si j'ai les jambes en compote après ma pratique d'hier :-D