Who am I? - Sunday thoughts part 4

("Oh no, here she is again with her ramblings *sigh*" - yes, I know what you think! But it's my blog, my own, MY PRECIOUS, just like my yoga mat :D)

Aaaanyway, I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a dear friend of mine, and she made an interesting comment that got me thinking. Again.

Source

Here is how this part of the conversation went:

Me: I'm teaching my first yoga class next week.
DF (Dear Friend): wheeeee! so exciting!
Me: yeah, and the fact that I'm more excited than scared by it means it must be right, knowing the coward I usually am.
DF: well you might have been, but you're not anymore. You still view yourself this way, that's all.
Me: ... o_O ...
She had a point.

I've been clinging to old patterns, still viewing myself as the 20-year old me, but that's not who I am anymore. Which is not a bad thing if you ask me, except that my 20 years old are gone forever but hey, nothing I can do about it!

You know what I used to believe?
- I used to think I was that shy girl who would stand in her corner of the room in social gatherings and wish she could teleport home; I used to be that girl, but lately I found out that I can be a chatterbox if no one stops me, and that includes talking to people I just met. Oops.
- I used to think that safety and staying in my comfort zone would be just fine, why bother taking risks? Answer: because you die inside and your brain shuts down from boredom, that's why. There is so much potential within a human being!
-  I used to think I could't run, turns out I can. I'm no marathon runner, but the thought of running half an hour doesn't make me want to pull out my hair one by one, make a rope and hang myself anymore;
- The one you've been waiting for: I used to think that because I couldn't touch my toes, then I couldn't "do yoga". You know where that one's got me.

Take a look at yourself: what did you find out about yourself lately that you did not know / suspect? what is it you think about yourself that is really not true anymore? 

A Friday before Yoga Teacher Training in the life of...

Today I'm going to London again ("yes we knoooow, stop it already!") for yet another YTT weekend. You have no idea how much I need this. Truth be told, I may have no idea myself how much I need this!

The last YTT weekend was 5 weeks ago. Only 5 weeks, and yet it feels like it was in another life. So much has happened between then and now, I even don't see everything clearly yet. A trip to Amsterdam for a life-changing weekend, a trip to Canada, more yoga off the mat clearly, and a whirlwind of things-to-do-I-can't-just-sit-here-and-wait.

I have seen, heard, felt a lot of things. My perceptions have changed, or have evolved more like. I have chosen to have a closer look at the world we're living in. I have dug stuff from inside of me that I thought were no longer there, I've been experimenting, I've been learning, I have opened up. A whole lot.

Now I have to pause and reflect, carefully considering what is important. To me.

So yeah, I need a weekend full of yoga, it will be like a retreat, except yoga-study-bootcamp style. I need the satsang, I need the community, I need the focus. But you know what? I also need time on my own, with nothing else to do than watch X-Factor munching on dried mango (is X-Factor still on by the way? Oh well...). My London hotel room is my take of a cave in India. Honest. Except way more expensive. And there's song-butchering involved.

I feel somehow that everything will make more sense, everything will tie in together, everything will fall into place. Or maybe not. Que sera, sera :)



(What a year it's been, franky I can't wait to read my end-of-year recap post :D)

Have a great wonderful enlightening joyful weekend!

Balancing pose

Image found over there - check out the Ananta series, it's absolutely beautiful. I want a mold of the Shiva Nataraja 3D rendering for my future pooja table. 

Balancing poses are bloody hard. That is stating the obvious, yes, but sometimes it's good to write it out loud (how can one write something out loud? well I just did).

Balancing poses require strength in the legs and arms, depending on which limb you choose to, er, balance. They also require core strength. They require focus. They require freedom. They require trust. They require that you take a leap of faith at some point.

Now take all these elements off the mat and bring them to your life. Don't you believe that sometimes life is a big mo'fo' balancing pose? Sometimes you feel free, tall, dare I say grand, like standing on the shoulders of giants. And sometimes your tree is wobbly. Your crow is crumbling and the floor is looking dangerously close.

On and off the mat, there is just one thing to do: breathe and find your tadasana. Let go of the fear, and focus.
And have some chocolate.

Who we are, and where we're going to

It's a time for reflection, transition and changes, a time to check on one's Self, can you feel it too? Delve deeper :-)

Fink - "Sort of Revolution"

We've come so far, it feels so real

All this time, that we've waited for it

And who we are, and where we're going to

All this time, preparing for it.

Come so far

Come so far

So let me know when we get there, if we get there

Let me know when we get there, if we get there

In the dark it feels so real

And all this time, we've been sleeping on it

And who we are, and where we're going to

All this time, spent saving for it

Come so far

Come so far, yeah

So just let me know when we get there, if we get there

Let me know when we get there, if we get there

Come so far, there's no going back

All this time, we've been running from it

And where we are, and where we're going to

We'll organize a sort of revolution

We'll organize a sort of revolution

We'll organize a sort of revolution

We'll organize a sort of revolution

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I almost forgot about this beautiful wonderful singer that is PJ Harvey. I'll make that up by sharing this jewel with you (does this say anything about my contemplative mood?)
Enjoy the beauty and surrender...

Confession post

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I promised it in a previous post. Wrote it, black on white. Now it's time. Time to disclose stuff that you probably don't want to know but what the heck (read = twisted satya-).
Here we go:

1. In the aforementioned post, I put up this link. Ugly truth is I know exactly what I was doing. I know who Jeff Hardy is, I know who Edge is, I know what the WWE is. Because I watch the bloody shows (no pun intended... although I'm lame like that). Lovely Boyfriend and I even went to the Smackdown live show in Brussels last year, while they were touring the whole world. Yes, I'm proud to say I saw the Undertaker live. Not so much ahimsa right there, but it's fake and funny!

2. I have a weird and twisted sense of humour (see above). No really, I'm not very kind. And I like lame jokes and puns. Lovely Boyfriend often says he's lucky to have me so someone can laugh at his jokes.

3. I groan and moan and sometimes have the hardest time letting go and feeling the bliss of contentment shining through me. Yes, some people still piss me off big time. There, I said it.

4. I have an ego the size of France. You know why I hate playing games? Because I don't want to lose. I hate losing. Which is one the reasons I stick with yoga: I learn a lesson in humility every time I step on the mat, in class or at home. Because I've learned to accept that a. I can't put my foot behind my head, and it will probably never happen, b. It's ok.

5. I used to hate / despise / loathe any kind of physical activity. When I lived in Dijon I used to walk anywhere but never considered it exercise. With hindsight I realized that that's what kept me from ballooning, possibly.

6. Because I was not a healthy happy camper. I was a meat-and-potato-and-anything-with-sugar eater. And around twenty I was a binge eater. Not fun.

7. Lovely Boyfriend, amongst many other things, has nicknamed me Brainiac 5. Now, don't be afraid, I am not a green-skinned alien. But I have a brain that works like a database: read, store, spit it out when requested. I freak myself out sometimes.

I believe there are a lot of other things I could get out there, but I like the number 7, so I'll stop right there.

If there's anything embarrassing you want to share, please go ahead, this is a safe space for you, I promise :-)

EDITED TO ADD: official claim from Lovely Boyfriend: all his jokes are NOT lame, they can also be smart, intelligent, genius. (the things you have to do sometimes...)

Twist and run

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Some time ago I set a "fitness" goal for myself: I said I would start running. As in, running regularly and being able to run for one minute without stopping and, as we say in French, spitting my lungs out (classy I know).

This was a real challenge to me. I always hated running. Hated with a passion. Speed running for 100 meters, ok. Endurance running, not ok. I remember in high school dreading PE, even more so as our teacher was a female version of Sgt. Hartman. She would have us run for what seemed like ages, and every time I believed I was going to die.

Anyway, back to the now. Let's call this a twist of fate**, or some crazy thought from my twisted mind, but I figured that if I hated it so much years ago, why not give it a try now that I'm in much better shape than I was back then*? You know, just for fun (I have a strange idea of "fun"). And no, I don't run to lose weight I don't need to lose ;-)
Also, to give me an extra kick in the asana, I signed up for a race. A small one (5k), a real one, attainable, not too soon so I can train properly. What makes it even better is that this 5k is in December. DECEMBER, of all months, people. Which means I have to get used to running in the cold. Oh it's not cold yet, but it will come. It's Belgium, so it might as well rain. I have to be ready to face any kind of weather, so running outside it is. I'm ready to cancel my gym membership.

I started running about 3 weeks ago, and I have learned a couple of things (I'm a fast learner):
- Much to my surprise, I like it. No, wait, scratch that, I love it. I don't know how this happened, but I'm actually looking forward to my runs. I never ever thought I would say that, let alone write it for the whole world to contemplate;
- Stepping out of my comfort zone is not killing me;
- Running is moving meditation. I swear. I focus on my breath, and there I go, forgetting everything for 30 minutes and above all quieting my mind;
- It's a breathing exercise, first and foremost. My body is able to follow, my legs are strong enough to carry me where I want to go, but if I don't pay attention to my breath, I stop and die. Ok not literally but man do I feel it;
- Yoga asanas come in handy when it's time to stretch;
- I'm stronger than I thought I was.

Not bad after three weeks, eh?

What have YOU learned lately?

* confession: by "back then" I mean when I was 18 - 15 bloody years ago.
** one day I'll make a confession post, and I'll explain.

I like food, food tastes good

*Beware, totally random post written between setting a business plan and drafting a HR dissertation, all for my evening classes final - don't expect anything coherent and super wise*

I would love to tell you that Emma's post on eating more when practicing yoga got me thinking and that I came up with deep thoughts on diet and yoga and that I now am a great swami and can start a yoga style of my own.
Oh yeah, I would love to tour the world promoting my style and books and make major bucks out of it and inspire people.

But I will not tell you this, because it didn't happen. I will only reiterate my love of food and say it loud: I like food, food tastes good (maybe not "greasy burgers greasy fries", but you get the idea).
I have a healthy balanced vegetarian diet, making sure I eat enough to get me going through the crazy days of work/evening classes/yoga practice/workouts/what's left to live. But first and foremost, I eat food I love, I don't eat food I barely enjoy just because "it's good for my health". I eat to live and because I love it :-)

This is my plate from yesterday evening, after working out. Yes I devoured it all. And then I had a small pack of dried mango. And some chocolate. Because I'm worth it.

Enough with the randomness, I have to get some work done. Or yoga. Or work. Or yoga.

*EDIT: yoga 1 - work 0*

Home

Starbucks Vanilla Latte at Brussels Airport (there is only one Starbucks in Brussels and it's at the airport, after the security gates, can you believe that? And we're so behind, there's no choice in milks, it's automatically cow's milk- ok enough rambling)

Oh dear these last few days have been flying by, again I'm writing in English only, again time is not on my side.


Last Saturday I had a full day of marketing class (yeah evening classes twice a week and sometimes, icing on the cake, a whole Saturday), this week my evening classes as usual, and in between a one-day trip to Manchester for work. So today (Thursday) is actually "rest" day (even if I'm blogging from work, naughty girl ;-)), before heading to London tomorrow afternoon for an intensive (and intense I think!) week end with Baron Baptiste!


When I was on the plane from Brussels to Manchester I started thinking a little bit of what home was. You see, I am French, I live in Belgium, and I love the UK. I mean, LOVE. At university, I spent a year over there as part of an exchange programme, it was like a dream come true. I also lived in Madrid, Spain, as an intern during my last year of university. So I know a few places in Europe ;-)
But no journey or place gives me the same feeling as the UK. Whenever I take the train to London or the plane to Manchester, I'm saying to myself "I'm going home" and it comes naturally. 
I can't explain it really, it's just a feeling from my guts.
Dijon, France, is the place that I'm from and where my family lives. Brussels, Belgium, is the place I live. They're home and in a way they're not. London is where my heart belongs.
Another place I feel this? My yoga mat.


Where is HOME to you? Is is the place you were born, the place you live, or some place else?