Confession post

Source

I promised it in a previous post. Wrote it, black on white. Now it's time. Time to disclose stuff that you probably don't want to know but what the heck (read = twisted satya-).
Here we go:

1. In the aforementioned post, I put up this link. Ugly truth is I know exactly what I was doing. I know who Jeff Hardy is, I know who Edge is, I know what the WWE is. Because I watch the bloody shows (no pun intended... although I'm lame like that). Lovely Boyfriend and I even went to the Smackdown live show in Brussels last year, while they were touring the whole world. Yes, I'm proud to say I saw the Undertaker live. Not so much ahimsa right there, but it's fake and funny!

2. I have a weird and twisted sense of humour (see above). No really, I'm not very kind. And I like lame jokes and puns. Lovely Boyfriend often says he's lucky to have me so someone can laugh at his jokes.

3. I groan and moan and sometimes have the hardest time letting go and feeling the bliss of contentment shining through me. Yes, some people still piss me off big time. There, I said it.

4. I have an ego the size of France. You know why I hate playing games? Because I don't want to lose. I hate losing. Which is one the reasons I stick with yoga: I learn a lesson in humility every time I step on the mat, in class or at home. Because I've learned to accept that a. I can't put my foot behind my head, and it will probably never happen, b. It's ok.

5. I used to hate / despise / loathe any kind of physical activity. When I lived in Dijon I used to walk anywhere but never considered it exercise. With hindsight I realized that that's what kept me from ballooning, possibly.

6. Because I was not a healthy happy camper. I was a meat-and-potato-and-anything-with-sugar eater. And around twenty I was a binge eater. Not fun.

7. Lovely Boyfriend, amongst many other things, has nicknamed me Brainiac 5. Now, don't be afraid, I am not a green-skinned alien. But I have a brain that works like a database: read, store, spit it out when requested. I freak myself out sometimes.

I believe there are a lot of other things I could get out there, but I like the number 7, so I'll stop right there.

If there's anything embarrassing you want to share, please go ahead, this is a safe space for you, I promise :-)

EDITED TO ADD: official claim from Lovely Boyfriend: all his jokes are NOT lame, they can also be smart, intelligent, genius. (the things you have to do sometimes...)

Sunday thoughts, chapter 2

Yay for Michelangelo

I am selfish. I know it, I've never concealed it. Not selfish in a "I'll march on your head to get what I want" way, but selfish in a "charity begins at home" way.
See, I know myself pretty well, and I know what works for me. I know my strengths, I know my weaknesses, I know how to take care of myself and I know that by doing so, I'll be in a better place to take care of others.

Knowing this doesn't mean I'm wary or reluctant to change. Although change is not quite the right word here, let's just say evolve, grow, and open. As I know myself pretty well, I can see myself the way I am, get perspective and see what's unfolding. And something has been unfolding.

The latest debate in the yoga blogosphere (the yoga blogosphere... can't believe I'm even typing these words! - oh, and I'm not going to go further into this debate, unless you've lived under a rock for the last few weeks you all know what I'm talking about) has, among other things, addressed the divide between individual and social (you should read this great post by Carol Horton over here).
Now bear with me while I'm trying to explain how I relate to this, it might seem a bit out there and farfetched but my brain sometimes has its own twisted ways to reach conclusions.

Since I started practicing yoga, I have evolved, grown, opened. I am still selfish, but I am more aware. I am kinder, less judgmental (although there is still some work to do there ;-) ), more tolerant. I am not yet a Care Bear  though, don't worry! I've stepped out of my comfort zone a lot this year only, and I guess I'm not done here. I am a disciplined type A personality with a sense of humour, which means yamas and niyamas are not so difficult to implement for me in everyday life. So far I've remained on a very personal plan, living yoga off the mat for me and those around me, being of service to basically myself.

For a few months though, I've been thinking about making it more "social", being of service to others. I still don't know which shape and form this will take, but I'll make it happen. There are so many things to do, and to be honest I am a bit overwhelmed and discouraged sometimes when I see all there is we can do. I can help here in Brussels for the time we have left to live here, I can help on a European, or global, whatever, level.
Now I can't imagine my practice not being connected to some kind of social / political action. I just can't stay here and watch, and not care. This is my awakening, this is my own transformation and evolution, and it has been interesting, to say the least, to watch.
To bring some order back to this crazy brainstorming, Lovely Boyfriend and I* are going to the European Summit for Global Transformation in Amsterdam next month, hoping to be inspired and focused. We can't wait!
And if we have to make, say, adjustments to the way we live now, like moving and / or not working full time anymore, then so be it. We're kind of looking forward to find our purpose :-)

Again, this is my own way, and I am absolutely not saying I am better than anyone, we are all different in our approach or life. But I'm curious people, what is your practice off the mat, in life, what's your yoga?


* For the record, Lovely Boyfriend doesn't practice yoga, on a mat anyway (apart from attempting crow pose when he sees me doing it, because he thinks he's fun. Makes him my first student while I try to cue him so he doesn't fall flat on his face and telling him it's ok if he does), but he's considering changing careers and being of service to others too. He's a yogi in his own right!

Twist and run

source

Some time ago I set a "fitness" goal for myself: I said I would start running. As in, running regularly and being able to run for one minute without stopping and, as we say in French, spitting my lungs out (classy I know).

This was a real challenge to me. I always hated running. Hated with a passion. Speed running for 100 meters, ok. Endurance running, not ok. I remember in high school dreading PE, even more so as our teacher was a female version of Sgt. Hartman. She would have us run for what seemed like ages, and every time I believed I was going to die.

Anyway, back to the now. Let's call this a twist of fate**, or some crazy thought from my twisted mind, but I figured that if I hated it so much years ago, why not give it a try now that I'm in much better shape than I was back then*? You know, just for fun (I have a strange idea of "fun"). And no, I don't run to lose weight I don't need to lose ;-)
Also, to give me an extra kick in the asana, I signed up for a race. A small one (5k), a real one, attainable, not too soon so I can train properly. What makes it even better is that this 5k is in December. DECEMBER, of all months, people. Which means I have to get used to running in the cold. Oh it's not cold yet, but it will come. It's Belgium, so it might as well rain. I have to be ready to face any kind of weather, so running outside it is. I'm ready to cancel my gym membership.

I started running about 3 weeks ago, and I have learned a couple of things (I'm a fast learner):
- Much to my surprise, I like it. No, wait, scratch that, I love it. I don't know how this happened, but I'm actually looking forward to my runs. I never ever thought I would say that, let alone write it for the whole world to contemplate;
- Stepping out of my comfort zone is not killing me;
- Running is moving meditation. I swear. I focus on my breath, and there I go, forgetting everything for 30 minutes and above all quieting my mind;
- It's a breathing exercise, first and foremost. My body is able to follow, my legs are strong enough to carry me where I want to go, but if I don't pay attention to my breath, I stop and die. Ok not literally but man do I feel it;
- Yoga asanas come in handy when it's time to stretch;
- I'm stronger than I thought I was.

Not bad after three weeks, eh?

What have YOU learned lately?

* confession: by "back then" I mean when I was 18 - 15 bloody years ago.
** one day I'll make a confession post, and I'll explain.