14 days of night

Oh dear I've been a bad blogger, a bad bad blogger. Ok, "soon" is not a proper deadline, but in blogland it doesn't mean 2 weeks either, baaad blogger!

Nothing wrong happened, do not worry my friends, I just hibernated in my cave during exam weeks and concentrated almost exclusively on trying to pass with flying colours (and trying not to forget about my day job). I don't have the results yet, this is for next week, but it should be ok.

I have learned a lot in 4 months of being a student again. Of course, I am talking about the mere classes, but not only. This course has been an opportunity to practice yoga off the mat, in a twisted and unconscious way.

You see, one of my problems on the mat is letting go. You always here "let go", which is fine by me but how the hell do I do that? Off the mat it's all a matter of accepting the way things are and not try to force anything into what you think they should be. Working with other people on a presentation has been a big eye opener here: the perfectionist in me had to let go to let other people do their part, not only to give myself some rest but also to let them express themselves. I cringed sometimes at what they had done, or what they hadn't done for that matter. But in the end, even if the result was not exactly the way I wanted it to be, it was the result of a real team work.

I also met people from all kinds of backgrounds, psychology, sea engineering, furniture design, marketing, legal (and this one guy was a count, the heir of one of the oldest noble families in Europe, what are the odds?), you name it. Each one of them taught me something, each one of them had knowledge I didn't have, each one has been a true companion.

As I wrote in my last post, I also finally accepted that I am a ball of stress. I knew it, but I had tried to fight the symptoms, and getting stressed because I was stressed, definitely not a solution! So while I recognized these symptoms (argh abdominal pains), I knew what they were, and didn't pretend they were not here. They were here, I breathed, told them I acknowledged them, and they finally went low profile. Good.

Oh, and very important also : I had fun :-)

What my life has been looking like lately

(source)

On to new projects: in 3 weeks, I will go to London for the weekend zero of yoga teacher training course, yay!

Lesson learned

Did you know I'm a crazy list maker? Oh yeah you knew ;-) So easy when you can't be bothered to write a full blown post  run out of time because of a crazy schedule ("once more unto the breach my friend", and it will soon be over)

A couple of random things:
- I'm quoting Shakespeare because I want to and I love "Henry V".
- I am good at accounting. Yeah, I know. So exciting.
- I am a ball of stress when I have exams / have to travel (not because of getting on a plane or a train, but because my worst fear in traveling is missing said plane or train - yes I am extreme like that), and there's nothing I can do about it (you don't want to know the symptoms, let's just say I have to turn a special room in my apartment into my secondary residence on those days).
- But there's one thing yoga has taught me: acceptance. They (who?) say yoga is good for stress management. At least I have learned to manage by accepting and letting things be. Stress (and subsequent abdominal pains) does not define me, but it's part of me. Fighting it will make it worse, so I'll just breathe and acknowledge it's here. In a way it makes me feel better.
- This, and not having dairy.
- I love working from home. I have to negotiate this more often :-D
- I love dried mango, but you knew this already.
- I have to go to bed, or I won't be able to wake up tomorrow.
- I will write a real post soon, I promise.

Relaaaaax

Done:
- Finance presentation : check;
- Start studying for exams: check;
- Speak to HR about job change: check;
- Hurt my calf muscle and not be able to work out: check;
- Getting really tired: check;
- Practice yoga: check


To do:
- Keep studying. Ugh, when?
- Stop losing my marbles at work: working on it;
- Prepare job evolution. Patience patience patience, it will happen, transition will last a few months, patience patience patience;
- Practice yoga: more than ever. I need my time on the mat to keep my sanity and keep my life off the mat in check;
- Try not to let my sweet tooth lead completely when stressed. Oh come on, dark hazelnut chocolate never hurt anyone. Please?
- Get some sleep. Right;
- Get a social life back. Don't even remember what it is;
- Remember to spend some QT with Lovely Boyfriend. The only moments we're getting together are when we are food shopping and cleaning the apartment, and we still manage to have some fun and laugh. Did I mention he's the best?
- And remember to breathe :-)


I am tired, juggling a full time job and evening classes even if only twice a week (and a couple of Saturdays) can be tough. Especially when said job is no longer satisfying and it takes me twice as long to accomplish simple tasks. But in two weeks my exams will be almost over, and i will change jobs, still working at the same company but having a different position (thank you universe!), not exactly what I want to be in the long term but it is one step closer. i just have to hold on a little bit more and everything will fall into place.


Breathe in. Breathe out. Check.